Hoping to be able to utilize technologically advanced implements, Kelvin thought of putting into effect a presentation that would impact positively on his colleagues.
1. “Technologically advanced implements” 可以用“advanced technology”代替。
2. “Putting into effect” 可以用“making”取代。
3. “Impact positively”應該改為“impress”就會更到位。
改完以後，這句子會變成：
Hoping to utilize advanced technology, Kelvin thought of making a presentation to impress his colleagues.
可是這還不是最好的寫法，把它再改成精煉一些，可以這樣寫：
Kelvin hoped to impress his colleagues with his technologically advanced presentation.
原句有24個字，最後的版本改成只有11個字，並且非常精確到位，沒有多餘的字詞。
2) 看看另外的一個例子：
It has come to my attention that many members of our company’s workforce have started to engage in non-productive activities such as having long lunch breaks and texting on whatsapp.
1. "It has come to my attention" 可改為 “I have noticed that”。
2.“Members of our company’s workforce” 即是 “employees”。
3.“engage in non-productive activities” 可以用形容詞“non-productive”代替。
改完以後，這句子會變成：
I have noticed that many employees have been non-productive.
原句有30個字，修改後的版本只有9個字。當然，如果認為“having long lunch breaks”和”texting on whatsapp”等是必要的例子，也可包括在句子裏。
3) 再看最後的一個例子：
The problematic issue with writing an excellent report is that it can take a great deal of time. The solution to this problem is to roll up your sleeves and get to work.
1."it can take a great deal of time"可以簡單地用形容詞 “time-consuming”來代替。
2.“to this problem” 是多餘的。
3.“roll up your sleeves”與 “get to work”的意思即是 “work hard”。
改完以後，這句子會變成：
Writing an excellent report is time-consuming. The solution is to work hard.
再把它改得簡潔些，可以這樣寫：
With extensive practice, writing an excellent report will take less time.
原句有33個字，最後的版本只有11個字，而且句式亦稍為作了些變化，把「練習」放在句首，加強其重要性。 作者: CarmenNg 時間: 2015-2-23 23:20
最精細的語言
英國作家喬治．艾略特說：「最精細的語言是由實而不華的文字組成。」*
* The finest language is mostly made up of simple unimposing words.
—George Eliot